


I can't find myself

by Hungdom



Category: Dragon Age: Origins, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: BAMF Dovahkiin | Dragonborn, Bad Spelling & Grammar, Blood and Violence, Crossover, Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, Dawnguard DLC, Dragonborn DLC, Dragonborn | Dovahkiin in Thedas (Dragon Age), English as second language - HELP, Medium Canon Divergence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Slow To Update, not beta read/ we die like the fools we are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2020-08-11 13:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hungdom/pseuds/Hungdom
Summary: Kod'jay have always lived by his principles, never let anyone get close, never use more words than necessary and observe from the shadows before stepping into the light.When he, a cold-blooded assassin, have overcome every challenge he can possibly face, he feels lost, unsure what’s left for him to do. Now stranded in an unknown land, he is immediately forced to fight for a cause he never cared for. He must also work with other people, and start to socialize in the process. He guess there’s a first for everything.





	1. A Whole New World!!:

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever attempt at writing fan-fic, and I don't speak english originaly, so, yeah.  
BIG shoutout to sapphicwonder for encouraging me to start writing this, however horrible it is, go and check the profile out.  
Sorry in advance for the potential confusing and a bit boring start.  
So, khajiit assassin dovakiin in Thedas (Clichè I know, don't care), enjoy.

They’re in a standoff now, one watching the other, two predators circling each other. Both heavily wounded and on high alert, neither wanting to make the move, because it will surely be the last. The roar of a dragon is heard from above, and the next moment a giant fireball landed between them, creating an explosion that obscured their vision of each other. That’s when Miraak decides to make his move. ‘Wuld Na Kest!!’. Emerging 8 feet in the air from the fires at a frightening speed, Miraak raises his sword, while charging a ‘lightning bolt’ in his left hand. Already seen trough his pattern of attacks, Kod’jay have a ‘ward’ ready with his right arm and a ‘iron skin’ in his left. Activating both, he meets Miraaks attack head on. The impact from the ‘lightning bolt’ throws his arm back, while his unguarded left takes the full hit from the sword. Blood start to color the blade red, falling to the ground with small dripping sounds.  
  
Smiling behind his ask, certain of his victory, Miraak looks him in the eyes, starting to taunt him;  
  
\- “Once again, I have proven that I am the superior one. For there can only be one dragonborn, and that one is I, Miraak, the first, and only dragonborn. Give up, dragonborn, fah dii zul los avokei wey hin. What can a wimp that have only trained his gift for half ‘a decade with old monks possibly have that I, a deity that have all of the world’s knowledge at his disposal, and an eternity to train, have not?”  
  
As he spits out the last words, he can feel a powerful hand grab him by the collar. By unarming his left arm and taking the sword head on, Kod’jay now had a clear opportunity. By keeping a firm grip on Miraaks collar, from his back, he reveals his ‘blade of woe’, which he had drawn, act hidden by the impact. He looks Miraak in the eyes, and with a smooth motion, he cuts Miraaks head cleanly off, letting it slide from its position and fall to the ground, mask making a loud clatter. He lets go of the collar and the body slumps to the ground. Turning around, he starts walking towards the fountain in the middle of the platforms. After a few steps he replies, without looking back, voice rumbling with the power of his thu’um;  
  
\- “A head on my shoulders.”  
  
He falls down on the edge of the fountain, exhausted from the hour long battle. Catching his breath, he starts to take his leave, but not before Harmeus Mora ‘himself’ shows up to congratulate him. Accepting Moras offer of making him his champion, he is once again left alone.  
  
It has always been like this, accepting a job, completing it, get payment and they take off to their separate ways. He had kept it that way for five years now, never letting anyone close enough, keeping it close and professional. As his teacher had told him, “A enemy can trick you, but only an ally can betray you.” A lesson that had kept him safe throughout all these years on the road. It had helped him when he fought Alduin, when the Blades betrayed him, when he killed Harkon, when the Dawnguard betrayed him and when most of his family had betrayed him.  
  
But now, he felt lost. All these years on the road, always on his own and never letting anyone close, had left an empty hole inside him. He had fulfilled his purpose as dragonborn by defeating Alduin, he had saved the world by acquiring ‘Auriels bow’ and defeating Harkon, and now he had saved the population of Solsteim, and possibly all of the world from a possible fate of enslavement by killing Miraak. Yet he felt no fulfillment.  
  
Turning back, he starts walking the same direction from which he had arrived. As he did, he started to wonder what would become of him now. Should he return to his family in ‘The Dark Brotherhood’ and continue as their listener, go to study with the Graybeards or should he put an end to that never-ending stupidity that is a war in Skyrim?  
  
As he reaches the edge of ‘Miraaks tower’, a portal opens in front of him, the snowy plains of Solsteim and ‘Miraaks temple’ coming into view. He sees the druids by their homes, holding a funeral for their elder. He sees captain Veleth patrolling as usual, Glover Mallory making ‘bonemold armor’ and Neloths giant mushroom-house standing tall in the distance. The chilling snow filled breeze reaches him through the portal, snow crystals dancing playfully around him and tickles his nose. He looks up at the sky above him, closes his eyes, heart trembling with unknown emotions and ask;  
  
\- “What am I searching for?”.  
  
When he seems to not be getting any answers, he looks down, his ears laying themselves flat on his head and his tail sinks to the ground, curling around his feet in a half circle. As he is about to step through the portal, a booming voice can be heard throughout the air around him:  
  
\- “Only you can find the answer to that my child.”  
  
The portal turns black, engulfing around him, blocking his view of the surroundings, and as the portal is blocking out the last ray of light, darkness completely consuming him, the voice speaks again, slowly fading away.  
  
\- “But I can point out were to start looking.”

  
\-----

When he where swallowed by the portal, he wasn’t present, yet there, he can see everything, and ‘everything’ can see him. This curious, unknown feeling is traveling throughout his body like fish swimming in his blood and his nerves are laced with lightning. Is he being crushed, or pulled apart, is he falling, or flying, is he imprisoned, or free? As the sensation of being watched rushed over him, he instinctively tries to turn around, but realized that his feet won’t connect to the ground.  
  
\- “WHO’S THERE? WHERE AM I?”  
  
He yells out into the dark, growling with a low voice, feeling the irritation of not knowing the situation gnawing at him. Hands flexing, ears sharpened and eyes twitching. All of his senses are on high alert, watching for potential threats. A cool breeze washes over him through his armor, bringing a chilling, pleasant feeling, like the wind at the beach on a late summer night. ‘A memory for another time’ he thinks to himself.  
  
Along with the breeze followed a rotten smell, filled with death and corruption. As he is scrunching his nose, he notices that his feet, or more correctly, his back have found solid ground, and that he is now laying down on a cold floor made of stone. His head is starting to spin, and he don’t like the idea of passing out in unknown territory. Where is ‘here’ anyway? He makes an attempt to sit up, his body heavy from fatigue, muscles sore from fighting a fallen demigod and wounds yet not treated, nor properly healed.  
  
\- “I really should remember to take a look at my body before jumping between realms.”  
  
He mumbles to himself with a groan, and he sure is hoping that Miraaks weapons didn’t have any infection on them, considering they were basically glazed in that disgusting substance from Apocrypha.  
  
Finally, being able to sit up, he cracks open his eyes, trying to take in the surroundings. Everything is pitch black, and no light source in sight. Thanking the divines for his racial night vision, he scans the room. The entire room is made from stone, carvings on the walls, tiles on the floor and pillars stretching up all the way to the roof, which is also made from stone. An underground cave system then? Judging by how thick the layer of dust is, the rotten smell and how worn out the carvings and the tiles are, it would be sufficient to say that it’s been centuries since it been used for anything of importance. And by judging how far its up to the ceiling, it must be part of something big.  
  
As the adrenaline started to wear off, he finally started to notice the damage done to him, for which his body had ignored up until now. Removing the armor from his upper body and armguards, he started to assess the situation. Two fractured ribs on both sides from being hit by ‘unrelenting force’ up close, a clean cut on his left arm and on the left side on his chest from Miraaks sword. That weird staff Miraak wielded had given him a minor poisoning, nothing serious, but it would still be a pain to deal with for a few more hours, given his current situation, and the fact that he is in unknown territory.  
  
Making a gesture with his right hand, a mana potion and a ‘cure all disease’ potion appeared on the ground to his right. Picking both up with his right hand, uncorking them with his teethes, he chugs them down both immediately. Relieved to feel the poison disappear, he starts to treat his wounds. Summoning a golden light in his palm, he starts to focus as the flesh, nerves and then skin started stitching together, soon closing entirely, leaving only a silver colored scar on his skin. It would take at least 2 months before the fur would start to grow again, though it doesn’t really matter to him. Moving over to the ribs, he placed one hand on each side, clenching his jaw, to not bite his tongue, as he starts pouring magic into the cracks, fusing them together.  
  
By the time he finishes, he’s breathing heavily, sweat pouring from his face. Not bothering to heal the cut on the chest, he summons a bottle of moderate healing potion and some bandage. Pouring the potion on the cut, hissing slightly at as the wound dried and partly closing, then hastily wrapping the bandage around it, not wishing to stay longer than necessary.  
  
Still shaken from the treatment, walking without limping will become a difficulty in the beginning, but thanks to the dragon blood in his body, he knows his recovery will be short. Making his way over to the closest wall to inspect it further, he realized that they have a distinct resemblance to dwemer construction. But this looks much more…. ‘primitive’?  
  
\- “Where in Oblivion am I? There is no way that this is dwemer architecture. If I was brought back in time, then that means the dwemer disappeared and then reappeared after centuries, then disappearing again later on. But even then, there is no way this wouldn’t be documented somewhere. I don’t see signs of any automatons or falmer anywhere, so I guess that’s good, though it doesn’t reassure me.”  
  
The distant echoes of footsteps, gurgles and animalistic sounds can be heard from further inside the tunnels, and it’s starting to grow louder. The footsteps start to speed up, and now the metallic clanging sounds of armor can now be heard. Soldiers, but the question is, friend or foe? Based on how quickly the picked up the pace, he would suggest they know his location, and they are not planning on having him over for dinner. He looks over the room one last time for a place to ambush, but found none, only a naked room with high walls. He smiles to himself, and quotes one of his favorite lines for this scenario;  
  
\- “It’s not I that are trapped in here with them. It’s them who are trapped in here with me.”  
  
Drawing his ‘Blade of woe’ in his left hand and summoned a torch from his inventory in the right, lighting it immediately, he prepared himself. Time to greet his hosts.


	2. Battle In The Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short, and perhaps a bit confusing chapter. I tried to make a decent fight-scene, from what I visioned in my head. Next chapter will have more dialogue.

Whatever Kod’jay expected to come from the tunnels, was nothing compared to what is now in front of him. Whatever definition he has on the term ‘monster’, could only scrape the surface of the abominations that now stands before him. An army of small figures, skin grey, smell of rot and corruption oozes from their very being, lips rotten to nonexistence, sharp teeth bared in big, unnatural, feral grins.

Against such a number, he will be hard pressed if he wants to win with raw power alone. A plan forms in his head, blood rushes, heart pounds and his dragon blood snarls with a pleasure of the feeling of battle again. He places his right foot behind him, the left one in front, the torch on the level of his waist and his dagger in front of him. Screaming out what could sound like a ferocious battle roar, they launched themselves at him, without any tactics or formations.  
The first one who reached him slashed at him with an overhead swing, a powerful one for someone so small. Sidestepping at the last second, he stabbed it in the neck, killing it instantly. The next swing comes from below, aiming at his torso, deflecting it with the dagger, he slashed it in the face with his torch. A fizzling sound can be heard as a scorch mark is left behind on its face.  
\- “That did more damage than anticipated.”  
He mutters to himself, as he finishes it before the third one makes its move. Blocking again, he stabbed the torch into its mouth. Muffled gurgles can be heard and within seconds, its head is put aflame. This confirms it, they are weak against fire. Letting go of the torch, he turns to the fourth one.

\- “Time to turn up the heat.”

Grabbing it by its throat, he summons fire in his palm, burning its throat to a crisp, blocking its airways. Throwing it at the others, he summons a jar from his inventory and throws it at overhead directly above the enemy. Taking one of the many small knives placed on his thighs, he throws it at the jar, breaking it, which results in its content splashing all over those below.  
Picking up the discarded torch, rekindling the fire, he throws is at the now soaked group of enemies. Preparing himself, he activates ‘Shadowcloak of Nocturnal’, and runs off to a safe distance and closes his eyes.

The very air shakes when the giant flames erupted from the backlines of the enemies and blood-chilling cries can be heard not long after. The smoke rises to the roof, polluting air and making it poisonous. Times of the essence, he cannot stay here for long. He summons a short sword made Nordic style, slowly stands up and once more faces the enemies.  
Taking advantage of the enemies, that now have lost their night vision, due to the bright flames that followed the explosion, he runs for the frontlines, their backs turn in confusion. Jumping headfirst between two of them, simultaneously cutting their head off in the process. Making a flip before landing, using his momentum to cut another ones arms off. Looking around, he is in the thick of it now. He decides it’s time.

\- “SU GRAH DUN!!”

He is now like the wind, quick, fierce and unstoppable. Block, stab, block, slash, block and strike again. It became like a dance to him, of which he know every step of it. The fight has all become like a haze to him now, like a distant memory that he is reliving, in the very back of his mind.

He spins around, one by one he slashes them down, he smiles, he laughs, for he feels no pain, no fear. All his senses are focused on one thing, the one thing his blood yearns for, the thrill of the fight, to dominate, to destroy, to prove his superiority.

The sounds of battle are like music, and he is the conductor. Every instrument, every tune and every sound, he controls them all, except one instrument. The beating of a drum, in the far distance, getting closer, growing louder, then a vocal can be heard, loud and fierce. The drum starts to speed up, closing in. So loud, to loud, the drumming is now in his ears, no more, it ends now! He turns to face the opponent, but he is not prepared, not for what is coming. It hits him, square in the chest, the air around him moves faster. No, he is flying, fast and everything is spinning. When will he stop, how will-…...?

The impact of the wall wakes him up from his daze, drumming filling his ears, the taste of blood fills his mouth and all he can smell is smoke and fire. He tries to catch his breath, but starts coughing at the sudden attempt to fill his lungs with the smoke polluted air. The field of corpses by the entrance is now completely on fire, the smoke getting thicker by the minute. Through his fading vision and the field of fire and smoke, he can barely make out a tall figure standing in the middle of it all. It has big, twisted horns stretching out of its head like roots from a tree. Skin grey, mouth covering half of its head and it’s easily double the height of a normal man. It honestly looks like a dremora and a giants love-child. A weak chuckle escaped his lips at that thought. Groaning, he suddenly regrets not properly treating the wound in his chest, as it now reopened from the impact. 

\- “Do you know how I got this scar? Bad prioritizing.”

Testing his legs, he tries to stand up, eyeing his massive opponent. Stomping forward, the ground trembling in its wake, the giant closes in on him with a devilish grin, teeth bared. His knees are shaking, lungs burning and vision fading, the smoke embracing him like a void filled with poisonous gas. If this monster doesn’t kill him, the smoke will. ‘It’s all or nothing’, he thinks to himself. As fire doesn’t seem to affect it, and as he can’t risk going for other elemental weaknesses, he decides on simple raw force, end it quick and escape. Right, because it's that easy. No matter, for he must try.  
Clenching the weapons in his hands, he puts all his remaining energy into sprinting forward with a roar, lungs and muscles screaming from the lack of air. The monster goes down on one knee, and with an unnerving speed it plunges at him headfirst. He falls on his knees while sprinting, legs spread and the rest of his body leaning backwards, parallel with the ground. As the monster flies over, unable to stop itself, he nails both of his weapons into its chest, using its own velocity against it. Both of his blades dig deep, blood spilling uncontrolled from the massive cuts, drenching himself in the process. The monster crashes with the wall, shaking the floor beneath him. 

Without looking back, he forces himself to get up on all four. He plants one feet in the ground, trying to get himself to stand. His entire body shakes, muscles tired from fatigue, but through determination, he gets up on his feets and continues forward, focusing entirely on the exit. With his last mental strength, he staggers onwards, hand over his chest, trying to reduce the bleeding. Before he can reach the exit, his knee buckles and he coughs up blood. Unable to move anymore, he feels his consciousness fading. Desperate to escape, he opens his mouth, and with a hoarse voice, he yells;

\- “WULD NAH!”

Shooting through the air, he pierces the wall of smoke, but as his body is paralyzed now for some reason, he is unable to make himself ready for a landing. ‘What is it with me and bad landings?’ He sees the ground approaching fast and the last thing he can remember, is the heavy impact with the ground and the feeling as if his chest is on fire, then everything darkens. Then he starts to hear voices whispering from the dark inside of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Shadowcloak of Nocturnal’ - One of the three gifts you can choose from Nocturnal. It makes you invisible for a certain amount of time.  
Su Grah Dun - Elemental Fury - Makes you attack wery fast  
Wuld Nah - two first words of 'Whirlwind Sprint'


	3. One for the cause, two for the shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is formed and a deal is made

_ The skies shuddered, the earth beneath their feet shook and the ground split up. Armies of monsters marched on; their malice clear on their faces. The screams of the soldiers are the first, then the farmers, then the civilians. The women are the last, but they last longer than any other, then their screams turn into laughter, voices twisted, crooked, unnatural._

_A giant shadow flies above them, leading them to victory, it’s roars are like a beautiful song. From the tunnels and up to the skies, the darkness consumes everything it touches. The sunlight can no longer reach them, everything is destroyed and even the very soil is corrupted. Fire devours cities and forests, and through the crackling of fire, the beautiful song can be heard once more, before he himself is consumed by the raging fire. _

Drenched in sweat, he wakes with a wild twitch, bolting to an upright sitting-position, hissing loudly from the intense pain that shot through his body at the movement. The wound on his chest is healed, yet it burns like someone sealed it with glowing hot iron. Small, dark, crooked vines that stretched from the cut could be seen through the fur when he took a closer look. 

Poison, it has to be, but despite all his alchemical experience, he has never felt something so corrosive, so fatal, yet so slow.  
Summoning a flask of ‘Cure all disease’, not wanting to take any risks with unidentified poison, he gulps down the expensive potion. Waiting for the purifying feeling, he found himself waiting for seconds, then minutes, but all he can feel is the poison slowing down, not cleansed. Something that is able to withstand a potion of this quality. Such a terrifying poison.

Although not doing anything about it means certain death, it will still take at least months before it will end him. Either way, it sure is going to be a pain to deal with. Thinking back to his alchemy lessons, a memory flashes up and he can hear Babettes young voice from the back in his mind.

_ “Okay Kod, when you mix on the alchemy-table, either of two kinds of substances will be the end result no matter what. Those we call potions and poisons, though as an assassin, you will be mostly be focusing on poisons. Both of these categories have a wide variety within them. To create stronger versions of either one, you will need a higher quantity and higher quality reagents for the effect to increase. But I digress, back to poisons!” _

The memory makes him smile slightly. Babette always loved to cheerfully talk about her crafts, something that certainly intensified whenever they had alchemy-classes together.What did she say again about poisons and antidotes?He closes his eyes again, concentrating on bringing back the memory. 

_ “Remember, the first rule of poisons: by nature, no matter how powerful a poison is, be its origin or formula, there is always a antidote. Most common is herbs and plants that neutralize the poison. The trick to find a antidote is to identify the poison and its origin, then you can act accordingly."_

_"But what if I don't have or can't find the right antidote in time?"_

_"Then you can, as they say 'fight fire with fire', by fighting the poison with poison." _

_"Wouldn't it only make me die faster if I combine two kinds of poison?" _

_"Not necessarily. Poison can be used to medical uses as well, like when you pour strong liquor onto an open wound. Alcohol can be considered a poison, given the fact that it dulles the body and its senses. But when you drink/pour it onto a wound, it dulls the pain and cleans it so it won't be infected later on after you sealed it. However, if you lack the necessary knowledge, it will become more of a gamble, with your life on the line, rather than a solid solution. So don't go doing anything reckless 'kay? _

"So unless I find a natural antidote, I gotta risk it and go for poison. Oh joy." 

This will be a race against time. Waiting for the pain to subside, he picks up his trusted 'blade of woe', not even bothering to look for the shortsword, before standing up. He whispers, _ "Laas Yah Nir"_ , making sure none of those creatures is nearby, . Not wanting to risk a direct confrontation again, he summons his elven bow, 'Firiniel's End', before staggering away, melting into the shadows, disappearing out of sight.

\-----

"Lady Brosca, what a coincidence to meet you here."

"Hmph, coincidence my ass, you set this up didn't you? Why else would you bother to plead to the embassy to change their mind and send me down here."

Duncans expression turned serious, and he replied with a stern, even voice.  
"I came to Orzamar to find its mightiest warriors. That is why I was spectating the tournament. You, a castles, defeated all of their best, then after breaking out of your confinement, you killed your boss in his own base. Yet all they thought about was to punish you, despite your skills. I was not about to let go of someone with such a potential because of someone with rank and titles were blinded by what their ancestors did in the past. Would you rather be executed for the ridiculous charges laid against you by your peoples traditions?"

She scoffs. "An execution is at least painless. I find it more preferable than what can happen to me here in the deep roads,and the fact that all memories about me is now removed from the shaperade. There are things far worse than death."

"Does that mean you refuse my offer to join the order? "

She let out a huff in frustration of her current situation and shakes her head. _ 'How did I get into this mess?'_ She crosses her arms while turning her head to the side and looks at nothing in particular in the distance. "Like hell I can. At this point my only options are either get taken by the darkspawn, killed in the process if I'm lucky, or join you and delay my inevitable death by their hands. Besides, even if I refuse, you can just conscript me and drag my short, sorry ass to the surface."

She looks up at him again at this, her voice laced with venom. "So yes, I accept your generous 'offer' to join the Gray Wardens." 

Seemingly not faced by the response, Duncan put out his hand with a practiced smile on his face. "Welcome to the order lady Brosca."

She squints her eyes at his hand for a moment before reaching for it with her own. "The pleasure is definitely all yours. Oh and by the way, it just Ferinda. I'm a 'forgotten one' now, my family-name is no longer mine to carry." 

"Very well, Ferinda, let us get on our way to the surface. We'll use a different entrance than the one in Orzamar, in order to not raise unneeded suspicion." He takes out an old map and studies it for a moment, before starting to walk deeper into the tunnels.

Ferinda starts to follow while scratching her neck. She stops and throws a last look behind her, searching the shadows. Hoping that it's just the deep roads making her senses akting up, she picks up the pace and starts to walk behind Duncan.

\-----

“I guess now is as good time as any to ask you, do you have any experience from fighting darkspawn in the past?”  
Duncan is the first one to attempt smalltalk since they set out to the cave exit, still walking in front with the map in hand. A bit caught off guard, she can’t help but to snort at the question, but suppressed her laughter to a low chuckle.  
“You are talking to someone whose people that have lived next door with the darkspawn since the first blight. On top of that, I’ve spent my life living in the shadow, working for the carta. Venturing into the Deep Roads to find potential loot and other resources were not that uncommon. To sum it all up, yes, I have experience fighting darkspawn.” 

“It sounds like there’s some hostility in your voice. Can it be that a certain dwarf have some bad thoughts about a certain someone?”

Walking past him, she crosses her arms behind her back while replying with an innocent voice. “I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.”

Before she could walk any further, she notices that duncan suddenly stopped. His eyes are closed and have a deep frown on his face, as an indication that he is concentrating at something. Carefully observing their surroundings, she starts to notice how a bit of dust suddenly fall of the entrance to the cave branch. 

When Duncan's eyes opens, they are filled with a resolve that she's often seen on warriors faces before they enter battle. He draws his swords while slowly turning to the cave branch. “Well I guess this is as good time as any to test out your darkspawn fighting skills, for it seems like we have company.”

True enough, the lights from torches could soon be seen at the end of the tunnels. The darkspawn had a decent number, but no ogres or emissaries as far as she could tell, which is small relief. Eying the incoming horde, she turns her head in Duncans direction, speaking in a casual tone; “Try not to die on me okay, it’s going to be a real pain getting out of here on my own. Wait who am I kidding? I might as well just loot the map of your dead corpse and be on my happy way towards the surface, free as a nug in a puddle of mudd.” Drawing her own weapons, she creates a fog of smoke and escapes into the shadows. This is going to be a long journey. 

\------ 

To her great annoyance, she had to admit the warden is not a half bad fighter. Always aware of where the opponents are, who he should prioritize and who he leaves to her. That said, even considering how good of fighters they are, these battles seems almost too easy sometimes. Not only are there rarely any emissaries, but the groups of darkspawns looks a lot bigger when they are approaching, compared to what it feels like during the battle. Almost as if their numbers are diminishing while they're fighting. If Duncan have noticed it, he hasn't mentioned it yet. 

They keep on walking for hours in what seems like circles. When they decide to make camp for the night, she feels like she can't hold back the question anymore. "Are you sure that map is correct, or is it just you who can't read it? Because I feel like I seen this rock for the 3rd time today." She says, while tapping her bottle of wine on the rock she uses as a temporary chair. 

"The map is not wrong. We do indeed move in circles, we are moving upwards in spirals. When we moved forward, we were always confronted by darkspawn, which is an indication that we are not moving in circles." 

Ferinda takes a sip from the bottle while she let Duncans word set in. True, they've been fighting darkspawn at every turn and they are making steady progress towards the surface. So why is she feeling like something is amiss. Letting Duncan take the first watch, she props herself against the wall with her dagger within her reach, before she finally let sleep take her consciousness. 

The next couple of days goes pretty much the same way as the first one. Wake up to eat and get ready, fight their way through towards the surface, and camp for the night. Few words are ever exchanged between the two of them, except their occasional strategy talks. 

On the fourth day they're out of supplies, but according to the map they should reach the exit by the day. Something that Ferinda are starting to doubt about, not that she really had much hope in the first place. Just as she is about to ask 'are we there yet?', the smell of fresh air hits their nostrils, and soon after they reach an open clearing in the cave, with the exit on the other side of the clearing. So why is she not surprised to see darkspawn blocking the exit?

Sharing a look before nodding, the two of them storms the group. Using her last bottle of fake smoke, she disappears into the shadows, aiming for the emissary in the back. Duncan goes for the front line, wreaking havoc among their ranks. Just as they cut down the last of them, the ground started to shake beneath their feet. 

An ogre, a rare enemy to meet, even in the deep roads. Standing in front of the entrance, the giant blocked most of the sunlight that streamed through, creating a giant black silhouette. Readying herself for a lethal fight, she starts to, for the first time since she met Duncan, doubt her odds of surviving. 

With a loud roar, it stomps towards them, a wicked smile playing on its face. The first step, a drop of sweat falls from her cheeks, the second step, her left knee shakes, third step and her breath trembles. On the fourth step, a thin whistle can be heard, on the fifth step something flew past her head and the sixth never came. 

Between its eyes, a blue transparent arrow were now bolted deep into its skull. And as quickly as it appeared, it dissolved into nothingness, disappearing completely before the ogre fell on its knees and dropped dead on the ground.

As Duncan is the first to recover from the surprise attack, he turns toward where the arrow came from with his blades raised. "I think it's about time that you show yourself!" 

Silence fell over the cave once again while they both stand still, tense from the battle, waiting for a response. The sounds of footsteps were almost too quiet to hear, like a drop of water landing in a pond. Ferinda turns her head when she hears a animalistic growl from the dark. Squinting her eyes, she can make out a dark silhouette coming closer from the same dark tunnel where they just came from. Two yellow eyes becomes visible, almost like they glow in the dark. Before it steps into the light, it speaks with a deep, beastly voice, only one word, which sends shivers down her back. 

_ "Blood"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laas Yah Niir - Aura whisper (lets you see peoples, monsters and animals aura trough walls)
> 
> Hoped you liked it, I tried my best to get the 'dramatic' entrance effects. It's so hard to improvise the dialogs.  
Please leave a comment on what you think I can improve on (and advise if you have).


	4. In blood we're bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three rouges meet eachother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be confusing, as Ferinda will think of Kod'jay as a creature instead of a person, so she reviews him as 'it' instead.

Chapter 4 In blood we're bound

**Ferinda POV**

Ferinda rubbed her eyes to make sure she isn't imagining things. Stepping out of the shadows, was something she had never seen anything close to be like it. It have the face, ears and tail of a cat, covered in dark grey fur, and being almost a head taller than Duncan. A braided beard that covers his chin and reaches his collarbone, and hair held in a ponytail reaching the base of his neck. However, in contrast with the fur, his hair and beard are pale white, like the the old dwarves who long since have passed their prime, yet it held the volume of youth. 

With small, measured steps, it walks over to Duncan, never taking its eyes off him. When it's is 5 steps away, it stops and reaches out with its arm, a clawed finger stretching towards him, and says; "Your blood sings."

Lowering his blades to his sides, but clearly still on guard, he eyes this stranger in front of him cautiously, carefully considering his own response.   
"(sigh) Yes, the disease of these beasts, which are called darkspawn, have taken hold of my body. It is a sickness we call 'the blight'. I'm a member of a group of warriors called Grey wardens'. We have the ability to sense the darkspawn and fight them with greater efficiency."

The creature just stands there silently, taking in everything Duncan said without question nor doubt. While soaking in all the information, its ears twitch a bit to the sides, left hand flexing, both barely noticeable. Without saying anything, it lifts up the armor covering its torso, revealing a lightly bandaged wound. Likely recently, though it's difficult to tell with all that fur and lack of proper light.   
"You sensed this."   
A simple statement, yet it holds a lot of weight. 

She stands there dumbfounded while she organizes the information like puzzle-pieces in her head.   
_"Paragons ass, if what he said is true, then that means that creature not only have followed us for ancestors knows how long without me noticing, but 'it' is infected as well. It's a most likely a death sentence for us if it suddenly were to go berserk, or if we try to fight it."_

But there is something more to this as well, something just as important, but she can't put her finger on it. No, she can't make out the picture yet, too many blind spots. 

"Yes, the blight has spread throughout your body, and I'm sure you've already noticed the effects of it. Your death is imminent." 

Despite the grim revelation, are Duncan's face impassive, an indication on that he is no stranger to watching people dying from the taint. Which makes sense, considering the company he keeps.   
But what didn't make sense is 'It's' reaction.

"Yes, poison. Antidote?" 

_"Ancestors nutsacks does this thing even have a dictionary?" _

Duncan shakes his head, answering that question for what may be for the thousand time since he himself joined the order.  
“No, there’s no known antidote to the blight. The only way to survive is to join our order through a joining ceremony. If you succeed, you will survive, but in return, you will be bound to our order for the rest of your life.”

“HOLD ON!! You’re not serious, are you!? Are you for real considering accepting ‘it’ into the order. You were already scraping the bottom of the barrel when you accepted me, but at this point you’re pretty much digging a six feet hole in the ground. We don’t even know ‘its’ capabilities or if ‘it’ is even remotely trustworthy. What if ‘it’ is just waiting for the opportunity to kill us, what if…” 

Before she is able to finish that last sentence, the creature, with an unbelievable speed, twists around in her direction and grabs another one of those transparent blue arrows from ancestors knows where. Taking aim with a bow that she is willing to swear up and down that he didn’t have a second ago, and released the arrow towards her face. It flies right past her face and disrupts a few strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail. 

She blinks once, before making a low growl sound in the back of her throat.   
_“Paragons balls, it really is trying to kill us!!”_

Determined to not go down without a fight, she begins her advance. Before she is halfway there, she hears a low thud behind her and whips her head around. On the ground, mere feets from where she stood earlier, lies a motionless shriek with that damned, blue, transparent arrow wedged between its eyes. She looks at it, then back at “it”, back at the shriek and then down to the ground in front of her. Her face is slowly getting colored with surprise as she realizes what just happened, and quickly sheaths her daggers as composed as possible. 

She throws ‘it’ a sidelong glance to catch ‘its’ reaction, but try as she might, she just can’t read that blasted cat-head of ‘it’. If the silence and lack of sudden movements are any indication, she would guess, or more like hope ‘it’ didn’t really mind her attempt to attack it. 

Walking over to the two of them, she looks to Duncan while she pretends to speak with a thoughtful voice.  
“Huh, I guess ‘it’ can be of some use after all. I assume we now know why the groups of darkspawn diminished while we were fighting.”

"indeed. It seems like we were protected during these last few days, skillfully done as well. That's reason enough for me to believe he's trustworthy enough to join our ranks,"   
He now fully turns towards it and finishes the sentence with an outstretched hand; "if that's your choice."

The creature crosses its arms while it eyes Duncans hand, before closing its eyes and lightly shaking its head while muttering; "Life or death, what a choice." 

From personal experience from just a few days ago, she would guess ‘it’ is going to be very frustrated to the entire scenario. Something that didn’t happen to her surprise, and minor annoyance. Instead of throwing a fit, complain loudly, getting angry and screaming, the only thing that could be heard from ‘it’ is a low muttering that sounded like something along the line of 'not change' and 'same as before' could be heard, followed by 'It' shaking Duncans hand.

"Welcome" Duncan says with a smile, trying to not stare too much at the hairy arm, "to the Gray Wardens. My name is Duncan, and this is Ferinda, your fellow grey warden recruit. What may we call you?" 

"Kod'jay." 

"(Snort), heh, the name doesn't really fit the image you are putting up there pal. Sounds more like the nickname of a child than a scary beast."  
She couldn't contain herself when she heard 'its' name, and her comment came out of her mouth before she could stop herself. 

"Not name. Title." 

Duncan looks at 'it' curiously,   
"You have a title as a name?" 

Seemingly ready to get a move on and already tired of the subject, 'it' turns it's head toward the exit.   
"No name, just title."

"So you don't have a name then?"

"No."   
Is all 'it' says before turning around and starts to head towards the exit towards the surface. Leaving a puzzled Duncan behind. 

"That's quite a strange one we just picked up for the journey."   
Ferinda says with a low voice as she steps beside Duncan, who only answers with a hum of agreement, before they follow suit. 

_"Now it makes even more sense calling it 'it'. With a title instead of a name, it’s like 'it's' not even a person, but an object, like a tool, or a weapon, but for what reason? And what purpose does a title serve if you don't have any names to hide?"_

As the first rays of light hits her eyes, she decides that she will find the answers to those questions herself, whether or not she likes what she finds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story so far. I realy hope you enjoy it. if you have any suggestions or thoughts, please don't hesitate to leave a comment below. Writing is going slow, and life just keeps on interfering, but im doing my best.


	5. A debated meal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kod'Jay ponders some more and Ferinda just wants some food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone so long, and for the short chapter. It's difficult to get into a groove where my fingers can just dance on the keyboard.  
BTW I spent way to much time working on a conspirasy theory that connects the Dwarfs and the Dwemers.

Following the two strangers through the tunnels and up to the surface was not difficult, thanks to his training. Picking out the key members of the enemy forces while they fight to support them was not particularly difficult either, again, thanks to the training. Keeping his calm and quickly understanding the situation when Duncan explained about the sickness and the conditions of his survival, was, once again, thanks to his training. 

But what he wasn't trained for was how to deal with the mind-boggling short person that's currently walking alongside him. 

Suddenly, the whole "time traveling" theory doesn't sound so crazy as he first thought. But it wouldn't explain the presence of the monsters that they seem to fight at every turn. There's never been any records of these kinds of beast that lives underground, the sickness called 'the blight', nor of this group of warriors called 'Grey Wardens'. 

In his musing, he suddenly remembers the portal back in Apocrypha, how it had turned black and swallowed him whole, how he were drifting without any sense of direction or state of being. How he’d woken up in a room with similar features, yet more primitive compared to the dwemer tunnels he’d explored in the past. How the dwemer one day had just just vanished from the face of Tamriel, never to be seen again. And yet, here he is, walking with a dwemer, a real, short and living dwemer. 

Forget time traveling, this must be in a completely different dimension. 

Hermaeus mora is a daedric prince, with an insatiable hunger for knowledge, whom can easily create portals between Tamriel and his own realm in Oblivion. What's to say that he didn't let his own curiosity get the better of him, and straight up teleport the entire dwemer-race to another dimension for his own gain? 

By the time his mind returned to his surroundings, the sky was already dark, and Secunda is shining above them. Wait….. If that's Secunda, then whERE IS MASSER?!! 

* * *

Not long after they stopped for the night, Duncan and Ferinda were debating whether or not to light a bonfire to grill the nug she somehow caught while no one was looking. She had already dressed the nug and impaled bits of it on stick and was in the middle of starting a fire when Duncan tried to dissuade her from doing so.

“Are you telling me that, even when you can’t sense any darkspawn nearby, we need to be cautious and keep our heads down while camping, even when there’s now literally a bloody hole, in the surface on a hill half’a day away from here, that is filled with DARKSPAWN CORPSES?!”

“While I agree with the fact most animals will keep a safe distance away from the entrance by instincts, there are bandits and other unsavory people that lack this basic survival-instinct, and may take this as an opportunity to find some wounded, tired or singled out stragglers from any possible skirmishes. I’d rather not risk attracting more attention than necessary, especially when we are out of supplies.”

“And choose between starving for another day or two or eating this thing raw? Sorry pal, I only eat one kind of raw meat and this aint it.” 

As annoyed she was, she couldn't deny how amusing it was to watch Duncan's face go from mildly  exasperated to curious, then realisation and lastly slightly blushing while he tries to come up with a reply, but ultimately failed. Small victories.

_ “Fuuuuuuuuuusssss” _

Before she could point out Duncans embarrassment however, a sound of wind going through something thinn reached her ears, with a small undertone of fire being blown. Similar to when a torch is being hit by a gust of wind. In the corner of her eyes she also noticed a small source of light not far away. 

Turning around to find the light source, she was met with what had to be, the strangest thing she’d ever seen, and she’s been with the carta, a filled with people that spend more time being drunk than sober, for years now. 

Sitting on a ass high stone (her ass), propped up with its back to a tree and legs on a smaller stone, is the goddamn cat creatu-... Kod’Jay, roasting one of the nug-on-a-sticks, with a flame, that is coming, out oF ITS MOUTH!!!

After going on for few more moments, it took a quick look at the nug shishkebab, before munching on it as if what he just did was the most natural thing in the world.

At that moment, she was just staring, not knowing what to think. The rational part of her felt like she should walk away and pretend she didn’t just see a fire-breathing man-cat. The paranoid part of her started to wonder where in the fade did this abomination come from. The hungry part of her wanted to ask if it could do the same for the rest of the nug as well.

Apparently, hunger outranks fear, because before she could even consider any other options, her starving (and traitorous) body started to move towards the now eating cat. 

“Hey”

How she’s able to speak with such confidence is beyond her, but when the cat-.. Kod’Jay, looks at her, she knows she can’t show any weakness to the predator. Standing straight, Ferinda musters as much courage as she can to not let her voice crack under the intense, yet patient glare those eyes sent her way.

“Think ya could do the same to the rest as well? I don’t know about you, but I can’t breath fire, and I’d rather not to eat this stuff raw.”

She ended her sentence by pointing at the other nug-shishkebabs propped around the half finished bonfire, hoping it would get what she was hinting at.

It looked between her, the stick in its hand, towards the bonfire then back at her, before narrowing its eyes. After looking at her for a few tense seconds, it simply let out a small annoyed sigh, before reaching out with its hand, palm pointing towards the still dead campfire.

“If you’re telling me to use the bonfire you can shove those claws right up Duncans-....”

Before she could finish that sentence however, a small, bright orb shot out of the cats palm and crashed into the dry pile of wood, setting it on fire almost instantly. 

While she was still trying to processing what she just saw, Duncan decided to step in with his opinion. 

“I hope you two are satisfied, now we have to be extra vigilant during the night because now everything within miles will know where we are.”

The cat just gave Duncan a bored look, letting out a huff not too dissimilar from dog (ironically enough), before sniffing the air a couple times. Watching it move its whiskers, tilting its head and ears twitching, really made it look like an overgrown cat. 

But then It spoke, something that sounded more like a whisper with an undertone of a growl. 

Three words, that's all, yet with those words alone she felt a wave of the same feeling she felt I the deep roads wash over her. The feeling of being watched, dozens of eyes all around her staring from beyond the darkness. 

Giving her surroundings a look, even if it's just to calm the growing pit of anxiety in her stomach, before turning back to the feline mystery in front of her. 

Those once yellow radiant eyes, are now colored vividly red, like two polished garnets held up to the dancing lights from a fireplace. 

It was mesmerizing, beautiful, and downright terrifying. 

By the time she had broken out of her daze, Its eyes had returned to it original color. Returning its, once more, bored gaze towards Duncan, It simply answered the unasked question with;

"Nothing, safe….. for now" 

Before standing up, now done eating, and walk to the bonfire and sit down on its legs facing it, shins flush with the ground, knees pointing forward while the feets are right beneath its ass. Once in position, It closes its eyes, takes a deep breath, and while it let the air out, its whole body becomes relaxed. Soon its breath becomes low and steady, its chest barely moving. 

At first glance it just looks ridiculous (and uncomfortable), but when she looks more closely, it looks like It's meditating. 

She turns to the equally confused Duncan and gives him a simple shrug, before turning her attention to the soon sizzling skewers careful to not wake It up. She’s familiar with the term ‘Don’t wake the sleeping ogre’, and couldn't help but agreeing on how much it fit the situation. 

* * *

Duncan looks between the two recruits and sighs in defeat while rubbing his temples to relieve himself off the migraine that is sure to come, before joining them by the fire. Hesitantly, he takes one of the sticks and inspects the meat for a moment, before digging in, knowing he will need the energy for the long trip that's ahead of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kod’jays eye color after 'soul whispers'  
https://theeyeofjewelry.com/stones/garnet-stone/
> 
> Kod'Jays meditation posistion is called 'seiza', and is similar to the witcher meditation pose.
> 
> Please give feedback, both good and bad. It helps me to learn and grow.

**Author's Note:**

> ‘Wuld Na Kest’ - Wirhlwind sprint  
(Dovahzul) fah dii zul los avokei wey hin - for my voice is greater than yours  
PS: Can you spot the joke in the title?


End file.
